Communication is Essential!

Rule #3 The Charity Principle:

"If a participant's argument is reformulated by an opponent, it should be carefully expressed in its strongest possible version that is consistent with what is believed to be the original intention of the arguer. If there is any question about that intention or about any implicit part of the argument, the arguer should be given the benefit of any doubt in the reformulation and/or, when possible, given the opportunity to amend it (Attacking Faulty Reasoning pg. 19)."

The heart of learning how to communicate in a way which leads to fair solutions is learning how to participate in the discussion with charity. It is common, as flawed people, to restate the other person's argument by adding or interpreting implications that were not intended by the other person as a way to further our own motive of being "right." What we fail to keep foremost in our mind is that we are discussing an issue (the least important part) with some one that we love, (the most important part) and with whom we want to build a strong, eternal relationship. The principle of charity gives us powerful perspective in keeping tract of what is most important as we work though the issues.
Restating the other person's argument with charity means to do it, not to twist their words to make their argument mean what you want it to mean, but to restate it with love, in the very best, clearest way possible to the intentions of the one whose argument it is. Charity also makes one willing, if needed, to allow the other person to correct any part of their argument which is being misunderstood until the most accurate version of the idea is presented. Then, charity discusses from that corrected premise only.

The bible dictionary defines charity: "The highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection; the pure love of Christ." Moroni 7:47-48 : "But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever;and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him. There fore my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love..."

Our true desire in overcoming any issue that arises is to find a workable solution for both involved in the dispute. We must be praying as couples, with all the energy of our hearts, to be filled with charity towards each other as we work through our issues. By applying the pure love of Christ in our discussions, it is more likely that we will be lead by the spirit to the truth/solutions we need. If we deliberately create and then attack a weak version of the original argument, we will probably fail in reaching the goals the discussion was meant to serve. If we really want to find the truth, or the best solution to the issue then we must use the principle of charity when restating the other person's side.